Kaboom
by silversrider
Summary: Rico finds himself feeling different than usual. He starts to wonder what could have caused it. What is the reason he suddenly feels so much 'smarter? Will he ever be himself again, or is he really going crazy?
1. Chapter 1: Mirror

_****Hello you all! :D_

_I suddenly got this idea, and thought of typing it out..._

_Please have fun! :D_

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**Chapter 1: Mirror**

With a small smile, he let his flipper run through his feathers. The shiny blackness of his feathers was bewitching. His smile grew wider as he admired the reflection in the mirror. His deep blue eyes pierced right into the shiny ones of the penguin who stood opposite of him. He extended his flipper and touched the cold and hard surface of the reflection device. He softly let it run down the side of the mirror, until a sharp sting made him draw his flipper back. He watched the blood streaming out of the cut and he turned away from his reflection with his other flipper pushed against the wound. He waddled through Kowalski's laboratory he had been standing in. He slowly took out the first-aid kit and wrapped a bandage around his wound. He shouldn't be here. It was not his place and if they found out that he had been wandering fr a longer time around the HQ, the others would surely give them a piece of their mind. He could already hear their words. _"Not stable enough..." "Get away from there!" _The penguin turned around with a sigh. When would they understand that he wasn't crazy? When would they see he was not a muffled freak who could do no other than grunt or blow up buildings? When? He asked himself, only to come to the conclusion that they never would.

He was the crazy one, the one who _was a mystery how he had come through the big screening_. Even though it made him feel unimportant, he knew that he still was valued. He wasn't reckless, or at least not in his mind, but he was a daredevil. He lived to see things blowing up right in front of him. It gave him chills. It made him feel so big and strong, with his explosions, he didn't need words. He was the ruler of the universe as long as he kept all his _kabooms_ close to him. He could make everyone move, with one single movement of his left flipper, as long as he was holding a grenade or something else from that range. Sometimes, he felt like he was misunderstood, as if he was just a painting on the wall. But then he turned towards the mirror, and he had to face it, he was one good painting. Not useless. Paintings never are, even though he preferred ice-sculptures. But you can't be everything in life.

They all thought he was some sort of weird dreamer, dreaming away by the smallest sound of explosions. And he was. But what they never noticed, was that he saw and noticed everything. It was a part of his job. _Weapons expert_. He needed to keep track of everything, what needed to be restocked, what could be used to create an explosions? And he had to say, he was probably the only one able to do so. He had been trained hard and severely, but he never gave up and never gave in. He knew perfectly well what he was. He was the unstoppable force of the team made of four penguins. He was the loud bang of the explosion. He was needed. Not a painting, not a maniac. Someone important.

He glanced from his reflection in the mirror to his bandaged flipper. The blood was still dripping to the ground and made small dark red, brownish spots on the cold floor. He waddled out of the lab, not obviously paying attention to the other penguins, who were playing cards. "Rico? What were you doing in my lab?" The large penguin asked and Rico shrugged. The penguin narrowed his eyes at him for a moment before letting go of it. 'He's just the maniac, nothing to worry about.' Rico could see him think. With a small and barely audible sigh, he waddled to his bunk, took out his small magazine featuring grenades and monster trucks and started to read. Yes, he could read. He knew the others couldn't, but when he had tried to tell them some time ago, they had just turned away and thought he was talking about bombs. Their loss, not his. Rico had even had some fun with that, knowing things they didn't. _Danger ahead..._It still brought him down. _"I can sense there's danger ahead."_ He heard the leaders words again, while facing the sign. No kidding...

How many times hadn't he saved the team? Those guys had to face it, they were nothing without him. Skipper wouldn't have his favorite weapons by hand, nothing with him to confuse the enemy. Private wouldn't have a waddling peanut-butter winky supply and Kowalski, he wouldn't have access to all those dangerous and rare chemicals or his tools all the time. They would really miss him when he was gone and he knew it perfectly well. He sat there in his bunk, glancing over his magazine at the other team members. They were still caught up in their card game, with Skipper obviously in the lead. Rico smiled a little before looking at the new sort of missile that was invented not that long ago. He would die if he could have one of these babies... But for then, who wouldn't?

It wasn't for then, that his flipper started to itch. His bloody and bandaged one. Skipper, Private and Kowalski hadn't seen the bandage, they had been too busy with their game to actually notice their crazy weapons expert's wounded flipper. Maybe he should have Kowalski look it over, maybe he, himself should pay some attention to the wound... Or maybe he should stop talking to himself. Since when was he the penguin who thought so much? He couldn't remember he ever did. He was not the brightest around, almost always caught up in thoughts existing of no more then explosions and loud kabooms. What was happening to him? He had never felt the urge to gain more knowledge, even though he could read. He had never pondered about his position in the team. He had never thought of himself as more than the crazy weapons expert. The maniac. Why did he tell himself that he was more?

Why did he suddenly _feel _ like he was _more?_

What was wrong with him? He laid down the magazine and stared at the grayness of the top of his bunk. He felt different, as if he had changed from who he really was, he felt like someone new and completely different. Was he going crazy? He didn't even notice that Skipper stood beside his bunk and was watching him curiously. The magazine was pushed a bit roughly back in his flippers as if he wasn't allowed to think. As if he wasn't supposed to create his own vision. He skipped through the pages of the magazine a bit absentmindedly, not paying attention to the content of it at all. He couldn't care less about the radius of the newest smoke bomb or the new safety prescriptions (which he always disregarded anyway). He now used the magazine as a cover for his thoughts. As an excuse to keep on thinking. Something was wrong. But what?

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_:D_


	2. Chapter 2: So Much Closer

_Here is chapter 2! :D  
_

_Have fun! :)_

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**Chapter 2: So Much Closer**

But what was wrong with him? Why did he think so much about different, maybe unimportant stuff, instead of paying more attention to bombs, explosions and fish like usual? He looked closely at his reflection in a muddy puddle of water on the surface of their habitat what had remained from the rain from yesterday. He was not even sure if it was him... Well, the outside was certainly still him, but there was something in his eyes. As if he was someone different from the inside. And at that exact moment he wondered if he would ever be the same again.

"Rico! You need to do these exercises too, I said no exceptions. Crazy weapon experts thus including." He heard Skipper call out to him. 'Crazy? Has he always called me crazy?' Rico thought before sticking his tongue a little out of the side of his beak and beginning on his assigned exercise, appearing as normal as could be. Or at least, as long one looked him deep in his eyes. Because his eyes would betray him. His eyes would let the others know that he _had_ changed. That he wasn't the one they thought they knew so well anymore... That he had become someone different, his behavior, his thoughts... As if there was someone else inside of his own old body.

And when he really thought about it, the others had never really truly known him. He had always been a mystery to them, wild and untamable as a stallion. They were often unable to understand even the simplest things he said, anything he pointed out for them. But he had to give it to them, they were getting better in playing his crazy game of hints. That was their easiest escape, playing his game of hints instead of taking the time to listen to him, to learn _his _language. Even though he learned to understand theirs quite well. And apart from that, he knew perfectly well what their body language exactly meant, why didn't they understand his?

The rain which had left the country yesterday had returned in all its force. But Rico knew that Skipper wouldn't stop the training. Not even for the shivering small Private, or the already tired scientist. No, Skipper would continue the training until it was completely finished. No exceptions. Not that Rico really minded, he enjoyed the training, he always loved working out and going the distance, even though he could be a little lazy sometimes. He wasn't a fan of rain either, but he didn't mind the water pouring down on his greasy feathers, which basically kept him completely dry underneath them. The training somehow took his mind off of business.

Things he shouldn't think about, things he never thought about before. Where was the sound of fireworks that had always irrupted his _sane_ thoughts before? Where was the urge to set everything on fire? Where was his lust for chaos and violence? What was happening to him?

It wasn't for long that Skipper called it a day. It was weird for Rico, he had thought that Skipper wanted to extend their boundaries, push them harder, further... But nothing else was more true, Skipper was done early with his training. They moved inside the HQ, all soaking wet, with their feathers ruffled on their bodies. Kowalski, Skipper and Private were all shaking violently, probably from the harsh coldness that had accompanied them with their training, but Rico felt nothing at all. No cold, no shivers, he was not even tired. And if he wasn't leaving puddles on the floor under his feet, he wouldn't even say that he was wet. No, Rico felt good, even though he confused himself every moment, even though he was completely wet.

Kowalski handed him a towel with what appeared to be a smile. Rico caught some muttered words from the scientist about Skipper's fierce training schedule, but Rico couldn't care less. He had enjoyed the training and besides that, he was hungry. For the first time in a while, Rico felt like himself again...

**FIIIIIISSSSSSSHHHHHHH!**

Wasn't he lost after all? As long as he was able to think about easy things like food and explosions, could he become his old self again? Could he return to the way he was before... Before when actually? When had this all happened? Why had it happened? He remembered eyes... Sparkling green-grayish, lively and young... He could recall it as if they were piercing into his own eyes again, as if they were only inches away... Coming closer... And closer... And even closer... And they disappeared again, poof, gone.

Rico silently wondered what that could have meant, why he saw those eyes so clearly, hauntingly, while he did _not recognize_ them. But they were bewitching, they made him transform, that pair of green-grayish eyes. But how longer he thought about them, how more and more they seemed to disappear and lose their color. How more they faded away in a dark white and black blur, until he saw no more than just the shimmering in the pupils. Away… Away…

While Rico was staring at an opposite wall, Skipper waddled towards him. An unusual soft look was on his face and he was about to start a sentence when Rico looked closely in his sapphire blue eyes. It was as if Skipper shivered and then the penguin backed a little away from Rico, even though his facial expression hadn't changed at all. "Never mind." Skipper mumbled and he waddled away from Rico, seemingly off-set, maybe a bit… Afraid?

What had just happened? Rico asked himself for the next couple of minutes. Why would Skipper behave like this? He waddled up to him and then suddenly turned around, as if he forgot what he was going to do... It somehow made him feel hurt, as if he was forgotten and unnecessarily. Just an old paper left on the pavement in the rain, in the dirt. On the other side, it gave him plenty of time to sort his thoughts out... And it still felt unusual that _his_ thoughts _needed_ to be sorted out. Normally it was no problem at all, explosions by the explosions and fish by the fish. Easy as can be. But now, he had more thoughts than he ever thought that one was possible of having. Thoughts about things concerning more than his selfish needs and ways. Things concerning others and their opinions... And for the first time, Rico got scared by his own mind, by the large green-grayish eyes reappearing in front of him. Closer… Closer…

What is going on?

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_Thank you for reading! :)_


	3. Chapter 3: Make It Stop

_Finally, is here the new chapter :D_

_Sadly enough, I found this story getting a bit too sadistic and horror-like for the T-rating._

_But please, do enjoy!_

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**Chapter 3: Make It Stop**

His flippers reached up to his face, rubbing in circular movements in his eyes. Rub, rub, rub. Every rub, the same imagine came to his mind, hurting his tired brain. Eyes, those eyes, those gray-greenish eyes, haunting him in every moment he dared to close his own... He saw them with every shadow that fell on his face. Those eyes seemingly so lifeless, dead, reflecting nothing else than darkness. Was it even possible? Can a reflection be of only darkness? Can light be drained that much to that it just _disappears?_

Thinking, all this thinking drove him into madness. He never knew he was this smart, he even never knew he could think, or at least not like this. He had never thought about more than bombs, missiles and fish, loads of fish. He took his flippers from his face and looked at the cold, suburban wall in front of him. Something enclosed him… Something made him feel complete… Something comforted him in these times of despair. But even though feeling completed, it wasn't a happy feeling. It was a feeling he had missed, that was one thing, but not something that made him happier. Or think less.

Something took over his mind, his body. He felt his flippers move, without him giving the order to let them do so. They just moved. Back and forward. Back and forward. Back and forward. He tried to stop them. Mind overpowering, something soothing came over him. Back and forward… Back… Forward… His flippers felt as if they were no longer part of his body, they felt cold, hard, lifeless. Back and forward. They continued to move, even though Rico tried to grab something, anything to make it stop. He closed his eyes, but opened them immediately, due to the shock of seeing those lifeless eyes again. Back and forward, without purpose. They just... Moved.

"Make it stop… Make it stop…" Since when was he able to speak so clearly? Or was it just a voice in his head? He didn't know anything, anymore. All he knew is that when he tried to speak before, when he thought about what he was going to say, he could hear those sentences clearly and not how the others heard him. He knew his speech problems never were mental problems… He just knew it. He somewhat managed to move the points of his flippers, though his whole flipper still moved back and forth… He fought and fought against it, but the force was too strong, as if there was a chord on his flippers, pulling them back and forward. Somehow, he managed to grab something in his reach. A black and somewhat cold box, with buttons.

Instead of seeing the cold hard wall in front of him, he now saw Kowalski looking down upon him. Stretching his flipper out and motioning to give the remote back to him. He couldn't hear the scientist, the only thing he could see were his flippers moving back and forward as he grabbed on to the remote. He slowly felt himself sink darkness. Some sort of voice filled his head, was it his own? Did he hear himself now? He begged the voice for forgiveness, to make it all stop, mercy… But it was all ignored, he felt himself thinking about things he had never thought before, things he never thought he would ever think of before…

_"You are more than him, you know it, you can do it."_ Someone or something told him from inside his head. Rico tried to break out, but where can you go in your own head? He tried to fight that what took possession over his mind, he really did, but something made him fall deeper and deeper into darkness, infinite darkness.

His breathing became faster, swallow. He tried to slide away at the top of his abilities, but he didn't come far, something grabbed him by his feet and pulled him back into something that wasn't black, but also didn't have any color at all, emptiness… Rico tried to move his flippers, but they were caught in a movement that wasn't his.

Forward… Back… Forward… Back… He tried to yell, to scream, but no sound escaped his beak. He was pulled more under and under some sort of surface. He looked down to his own body and he saw great amounts of his own white feathers being lifted high up in the sky, above him, turning into small white doves above his head. Feather by feather, dove by dove.

_"Give in, Rico, become me, find peace…"_ A voice echoed inside his head, but Rico couldn't think about more than 'make it stop, please, make it stop.' But the voice didn't reply, mercy was not to be found. Rico's eyes widened in fear as smoke surrounded him and the white doves. Thicker and thicker, making it hard to breath. The silence became heavier, the voice had echoed its way out of his head.

This silence made Rico even more scared. Some distant parts of his brain wondered what was going on. Another part of his brain, his intelligence, common sense, that part he had never used much before, told him that he didn't want to find out. But it told him to wake up, to leave this place. It basically gave him a key to the fire exit behind him. If only he knew how to reach it, how to escape this nightmare…

Eyes, all around him, haunting him, surrounding him. Closer, closer… The red lines of the bloody veins in them made Rico cringe and he forgot about the doves flying above his head, about the crazy ballet of feathers turning into the symbolism of peace. He couldn't escape, he couldn't fight, even though now he had the key. Suddenly, he managed a scream, a long and agonizing scream. It had just escaped his beak, it had filled the room inside his brain. A pain filled his body, there where the feathers were pulled out of the skin, his flippers suddenly gave in and moved to his belly.

The empty darkness that had surrounded him faded away, leaving him alone in the gray and yet welcoming HQ. Rico looked at his flippers, both were clenching his snow-white feathers covered with blood spots. He slowly pushed himself up and noticed his friends bending over him, worry and disgust written on their faces, all covered in his white and bloody feathers.

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_Thank you for reading so far :)_


	4. Chapter 4: What Are you

_And here is finally the next chapter! :D_

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**Chapter 4: What Are you**

"What are you?" The voice surrounded him, or was it just the echo of how he had heard it somehow earlier today? "What are you?" It was driving him crazy, as if someone had the voice recorded and had it replaying in his head until he would go literally crazy… Or was it even more crazy in his case? He had tried to escape through going underwater, hiding behind the TV, under the 'Do not feed the animals' sign, that in the HQ had the purpose of their table, but it had no use. It haunted him in his head, every time sounding exactly the same as the time before.

"What are you?" A question, three simple words, no clear meaning whatsoever. The _what_ in the sentence could be indicating something deep, like _what_ is the combination of your heart, soul and instincts? How does it tell you to live, like the devil, the man or the god? Or the _what_ could be shallow, like being _something_. Being an animal, nothing more nothing less. The _are_ of this question meant that the what can be changed, present tense. You are being something, you don't know what, but you are, and you have a future, you can choose. The hardest part for everyone who has had the question asked to them once is the _You_. The being to which the bullet was shot, you, like the reflecting part of the mirror, but as blunt as the back that makes the reflection come to live. 'What are you?' A question that has no right or wrong answer, only a desired one.

He tried and tried, but whatever he told the voice, nothing made it shut up. It just went on and on, as a homeless and starving man on the streets begging for a little of your money. It made him dizzy and Rico tried to break out of the prison called his mind. He had never thought he would come to the point where he would like to use some of his own weapons against himself, but his flippers were itching to just make this voice in his head stop. He then slammed with his flipper upon the wall and the sound made him realize something, even before the pain. He was something. Needed and searched for. He was a weapon and a friend, enemy and a toy. He was more than the others, now especially since he had the ability to think clearly. Kaboom. It made all sense in his head as if a bomb had been dropped into it.

He liked to be classified as his friend, Rico found out a little while later. He was just trying to enjoy his little fish when he thought he was being called by someone. He looked around to find the owner of the voice that by now had became so familiar to him as if it was his own. "Friend" it said. "I'm your friend." Rico looked around the now empty HQ, Skipper hadn't dared to take him on patrol through the zoo, because he had seemed a little bit out of it. Rico knew that he didn't seem to be only a 'little' out of it. He had to be looking like he was losing his head. He had yanked out his own feathers… And he had to admit he even felt himself like he was losing it.

"It's a pleasure to meet you, now you finally know who you are." The voice said in his head. Rico looked around again and went to go look into a mirror. It was as if the color of his eyes were changing, a glimpse of the sunlight turned them from his own icy blue color to a somewhat seaweed green-like color. It made him back away, even though at the same time he had wanted to come closer. He blinked a couple of times and his flippers went up to his eyes to rub some into them. He turned away from the mirror and he heard the voice talking to him in a soft whisper. "That's right, nice to meet you, pal." It said and Rico shivered a little. "How do you like this color? Looks good on us, doesn't it?" It said in a small somewhat sweet-like and calming voice. "Do I still need to ask for your flipper to go to the ball?" It added with an insane sounding laugh.

Rico opened his eyes, kind of surprised that he still had the full control of his body. He looked at the mirror and to his amazement, his eyes were just as always blue colored. He turned his beak into a small and forced smile and it seemed even horrible as always, making the scar on the side of his beak wider.

"I've got something that will blow your mind… I can show you things nobody has ever seen… A whole new world, somewhere no one else but us will ever go." It said and a glimpse of light through the opening of the fishbowl entrance of the HQ made his eyes color up again. "Now I know who you are, we can start _being_ together, as one…" Rico fearfully turned away from the mirror and nodded to his friends who dropped down one for one. They smiled at him and then went all their own ways, one to the coffee maker, one into the room behind the steel door and the other sat down in a bunk with a magazine.

"Do you care for a game?" Rico heard the voice say and he looked a bit bewildered around. It was like he could hear the sound waves enter his ear holes and make their ways to his brains. But there was nobody in the HQ that has a voice that sounded like that… He turned around, but everybody was minding their own business and didn't look like they had just heard a voice that didn't belong in the HQ. He knew that if Skipper had heard someone in his HQ who didn't belong there he would kick them right out without even waiting for an explanation. The little Private would surely come over with probably something like a big fish cake and give it to the newcomer asking to be a friend. And Kowalski, would go on and on about the different experiments he could perform on their guest.

But nothing happened, nothing was different from their normal routine, it was only him, standing right by the mirror, turning like a little ballerina around and around searching for something that probably didn't even exist. 'What kind of game?' Rico asked the voice in his head. "You'll see… Just wait and see…" Was the reply and Rico knew that the question had never been an invitation… It had been an announcement. He would participate in this game no matter what.

"What are we waiting for?!" The voice said loud and clear in his head. "Let's play!"

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_Hope you're liking this story so far :D_


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